Chinese food makes me feel fat :(
I hate arguments. No more this weekend please?
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
domesticated.
Today I made dinner, baked shortbread and did a LOT of cleaning. Keeping my hands busy has helped in a way but what will happen when there's nothing more to do? I'm still sad, really really sad and it shows no sign of going away. It feels like I've lost everything and everyone I care about. Someone come and help me please, I really need some help right now because I physically and emotionally can't do this on my own anymore...
Cheerleader movie and Chewits? It's done wonders in the short term but it won't work forever...
Cheerleader movie and Chewits? It's done wonders in the short term but it won't work forever...
Friday, 29 January 2010
replacement.
So I'm pretty tired after doing a cooper run this morning - 1950m, a personal best :)
I've been generally happy today, it's kinda nice not to be fighting and being generally quite snappy. I often question whether there's a chance that you could still love me, I like living with the notion that somewhere deep down you still do have feelings for me; in some ways, it makes me feel less sad. In terms of people I used to be friends with, I feel like I have been well and truly replaced which is getting less like a feeling and more like the truth every single day. I know I've screwed up with many different people, but I really don't think there is need to take them all from me. Maybe it's better that way; the less people I know, the less people I can hurt but what gets me the most is that you used to love me and now you don't, you're taking people away from me. Life's a bitch so I suppose I'd be better just getting on and stopping moaning about everything.
"These wounds are self-inflicted" Katy Perry - Self-Inflicted
All my wounds are self-inflicted, I can be so stupid sometimes - please forgive me after all, I still love you.
It's cold so time for a film and bed I think, I guess I'll see if the rest of this weekend brings anything relatively good...
I've been generally happy today, it's kinda nice not to be fighting and being generally quite snappy. I often question whether there's a chance that you could still love me, I like living with the notion that somewhere deep down you still do have feelings for me; in some ways, it makes me feel less sad. In terms of people I used to be friends with, I feel like I have been well and truly replaced which is getting less like a feeling and more like the truth every single day. I know I've screwed up with many different people, but I really don't think there is need to take them all from me. Maybe it's better that way; the less people I know, the less people I can hurt but what gets me the most is that you used to love me and now you don't, you're taking people away from me. Life's a bitch so I suppose I'd be better just getting on and stopping moaning about everything.
"These wounds are self-inflicted" Katy Perry - Self-Inflicted
All my wounds are self-inflicted, I can be so stupid sometimes - please forgive me after all, I still love you.
It's cold so time for a film and bed I think, I guess I'll see if the rest of this weekend brings anything relatively good...
Thursday, 28 January 2010
actions speak louder than words...
After a while now of Tanya saying "you should get a blog", I have decided that I have the time to write something most days of the week. It's not something to give people information and gossip, it's for me to have a good ol' rant every once in a while.
Today was an interesting day. I realised that my actions over the last few months really have spoken louder than anything I've ever shouted and I slowly pushed you into the arms of someone else. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'd do anything to take back what I did and start over with you. I've been so up and down recently and it's really starting to get to me; it's like I can't think or talk or do anything without feeling really sad, like I'm about to cry. I keep thinking that everything is getting better but then something happens, or a significant day comes along and it just ruins everything; I'm back to crying every day. My summer dreams of Sonisphere have been kind of trampled on but that's okay because as long as my friends come to see me lots then I should be alright. Skins is on now and I'd really like to watch it so I'm going to leave now. Writing this is making me think about everything I've ever done to any body who I've loved or even cared about remotely and I'm getting myself kind of upset...
Today was an interesting day. I realised that my actions over the last few months really have spoken louder than anything I've ever shouted and I slowly pushed you into the arms of someone else. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'd do anything to take back what I did and start over with you. I've been so up and down recently and it's really starting to get to me; it's like I can't think or talk or do anything without feeling really sad, like I'm about to cry. I keep thinking that everything is getting better but then something happens, or a significant day comes along and it just ruins everything; I'm back to crying every day. My summer dreams of Sonisphere have been kind of trampled on but that's okay because as long as my friends come to see me lots then I should be alright. Skins is on now and I'd really like to watch it so I'm going to leave now. Writing this is making me think about everything I've ever done to any body who I've loved or even cared about remotely and I'm getting myself kind of upset...
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